


Hairy Situations and Situational Hair

by DoctorV



Series: The Mullet-verse [2]
Category: Blue Beetle (Comics), Booster Gold (Comics), DCU (Comics), Justice League, Justice League International (Comic), Justice League of America (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death Fix, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Handwavey Magic BS, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash, Questionable mental stability, Resurrection, SCIENCE!, Zombies, questionable parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 05:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorV/pseuds/DoctorV
Summary: The beginning of the Mullet-verse fanfic series. BS magic, zombies, magically created offspring, and resurrection.





	1. Prologue~

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving some old old OLD fanfic of mine. This was originally posted to LiveJournal 09/01/2005, with the author's note:  
> "This is...well, it's an AU sort of fixit thing. With magic! And zombies! Only not yet. So for now I'll just say...Booster tries to make things right again. (Right = alive!Beetle.)  
> This diverges from DC's wild and wacky version of comics reality...some time after Batman shows everyone Beetle's goggles and Booster tries to blast him. (At least mostly, though I'll be waving the AU flag vigorously if I mess up continuity before that simply by virtue of not knowing it exists.)  
> This fic is the bastard child of every comic scan in the Boostle memories, heykidzcomix, and Livejournal commentary (mostly on the scans and comix) filtered through my brain. Also, said bastard child has been influenced by [Auntie Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_Crisis) and [Uncle Tipton](https://web.archive.org/web/20130112212911/http://www.asitecalledfred.com/comics101/archives.html), who did not teach it nearly as many swears as LJ commentary did. ;)"
> 
> This was originally intended to be a one-shot and then...became a longer fic. And then a series.  
> Some minor edits _have_ been made. Mostly grammar and typos, but there haaas been a touch of rewriting to make things smoother. I doubt it'll even be noticeable, but I feel better knowing I did it.

When Booster Gold sulkily threatened to become a supervillain one day, no one paid it much mind. When, mere minutes later, he sent a goodly portion of the (excuse the expression) _Super Buddies_ to Hell (or a reasonable facsimile), nothing much was made of it except the coining of a new phrase: "boostered".

 

What seemed to escape everyone's notice, even after Booster dropped the dumb blond facade to put forth some fairly well thought out theories on their predicament, was that Booster Gold had, in his few minutes of supervillainy, been more successful than many of the well-established villains. And, despite Booster's Hell-induced show of intelligence, Blue Beetle seemed to be the only person to remember that he actually had a brain under the hair and good looks, and _he_ certainly wasn't in any position to remind people.

 

So it was not, perhaps, surprising that no one listened to Booster when he again threatened to become a supervillain. Somehow it escaped everyone's notice that Booster Gold really didn't have anything left to lose. It _didn't_ escape notice when Booster dyed his hair black and started occasionally wearing a fake black goatee, but that was partly because he hadn't bothered to do anything about his blond eyebrows and it looked kind of odd.

 

The reason for the new look was that Booster, in a fit of drama, thought it would better suit his new supervillain persona. Also, he was hoping that, if it came to it, the goatee would throw people off and make them think he was actually the evil duplicate of Booster Gold from an alternate universe. He had been around long enough to know how these things worked. He had also tried an eyepatch, but it threw his depth perception completely off and he didn't want to be the kind of supervillain who couldn't hit the broad side of a Pottery Barn.

 

The matter of his name was left up in the air after a _Beverly Hillbillies_ marathon had not only reminded him of where he'd heard the phrase before, but also ensured that his briefly considered name of "Black Gold" would set the theme song running through his head whenever it was used. Having old theme music running through one's head while going up against superheroes, he thought, was probably not conducive to successful supervillainy.

 

In a stunning display of underestimation, no connections were drawn when magical objects started disappearing across the board soon after Booster Gold's threat of a return to villainy. And as anyone not mind-controlled or angsting like it's going out of fashion could probably tell you, underestimating people can lead to quite a number of things, not least of which is making you look like an ass.

 

It was also how Booster managed to get away with it. That and his last minute decision to trade his highly noticeable shiny gold suit for a more subdued all-black combo, complete with hooded sweatshirt.

 

Booster was not, by nature, a magic-user. He was much more inclined to rely on technology (having been born and raised surrounded by it) than the occult. However, he had been a superhero long enough to know that magic was real and usable. He had even used it, briefly, during the Super Buddies in Hell incident. So while he didn't come by it naturally (or even legally), Booster Gold set out to find the right magic to do his bidding.


	2. ~1st Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Featuring an ensemble cast of villain!Booster, zombie!Max, and Junior."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/01/2005, with the author's note:  
> "Here we introduce the magic! Zombies! Robots! Dinosaurs--no wait, no dinos. My bad. But all the rest, yes! Same stuff goes for this as for the prologue (AU, fixit, references galore, blah blah blah)."

"What's that?" Junior asked.

 

Booster looked up from the object he was studying. "Resurrection talisman."

 

The boy cocked his head and frowned. "Last one didn't work."

 

"...I know," Booster muttered irritably. It had come as quite a surprise, during his previous attempts, to find himself face to decomposing face with the zombie of Max Lord. After a few moments of pants-wetting terror and high-pitched screaming that he would later deny, Booster realized that while Max seemed all for eating the flesh of the living, he was also very ( _very_ ) slow and easy to evade. So after some fancy maneuvering, that consisted largely of standing around waiting for him to shuffle close enough and then dodging around and behind him before shoving, Zombie Max was successfully secured in a closet.

 

Luckily, Junior had missed the screaming (which made it easier to deny) because he was upstairs digging through rubble and still-standing portions of what had once been Ted Kord's house. It had seemed fitting to use Ted's (surprisingly undamaged) basement as his secret lair, and enough time had passed that no one had much interest in the burned-out ruin on top.

 

Junior, as Booster has taken to calling him, was another curious accident. Unlike Zombie Max, however, the boy seemed content to explore his new surroundings and hadn't made any threatening moves toward Booster's grey matter or living flesh. The boy, as far as he could tell, was some sort of physical manifestation of Blue Beetle's inner child, or as close to as to be sufficient description. As if that weren't weird enough, Booster was pretty sure some of himself had somehow been added to the mix.

 

The ritual resulting in Junior called for something of the person's body and it wasn't until Booster had already started that it occurred to him that maybe a hair clog from Ted's bathtub drain wasn't the best source of DNA, especially considering he had used the shower as well. And handling it while he had a sluggishly bleeding papercut (now bandaged to avoid future such accidents) was probably less than brilliant. But by that time it was too late and when the smoke cleared (literally) Booster found himself confused and in possession of a very confused boy.

 

Further examination of the ritual's description revealed it to actually be a way for one to get in touch with one's inner child by giving it physical form. It neglected to mention, anywhere, what happened if the child was created from more than one source, or how long it would last with any number of genetic donors.

 

Booster wasn't sure whether Junior was permanent or if he would suddenly disappear in a puff of smoke any minute, but if he did stick around for any significant amount of time he intended to see about doing a DNA test on him just to be sure. In the meantime, he was trying not to remember or think too hard about the people he had known in the future who were the genetic offspring of two parents of the same gender. It made the thought of Junior's existence, not to mention disappearing in a puff of smoke...slightly uncomfortable. And he wasn't going to think about it long enough for it to be more so.

 

For his part, the boy didn't seem bothered and had taken to exhibiting the very Ted-ish trait of tinkering with a prototype robot Beetle had been working on before his—

 

"Why don't you go play with the...Beetle Borg." Booster said abruptly, setting the talisman down on the book he was using to research it. He was trying not to look at Junior because the boy had found and started wearing a spare pair of Beetle's goggles while working on the robot and Booster didn't want to know whose eyes he had with the yellow tinting.

 

Junior, not taking the hint, leaned over the desk and peered at him curiously. "You look tired."

 

While he might not be able to take a hint, the boy could be perceptive. Booster was not only tired, but he was getting a headache and a sneaking suspicion that he might need to get reading glasses in the near future. The last one he was assuring himself was actually because of the tiredness and the headache, and pointedly refusing to consider the possibility that it was actually his eyes that were giving him the headache.

 

A snack-size box of raisins was suddenly thrust under his nose. "Want some?" Junior asked, popping a few in his own mouth. "They're good."

 

Booster warily held a cupped hand under the box and the boy shook some raisins into it. Pleased, Junior grinned when Booster ate them, and he tried not to think about how odd it was to see Ted's grin with Booster's (shiny future genes enhanced) teeth.

 

"Thigh of Xipe Totec?" Junior muttered, tilting his head to read the book. "Hm, it does kind of look like a bone. But the ritual sounds gross. Does it have to be the _whole_ skin? Can it just be like sunburn flakes or dandruff?"

 

Pointing to the paragraph that stated clearly that yes it had to be the whole skin or pretty close to in order for the ritual to work, Booster sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I'll save this one as a last resort. Whole human skins are so hard to come by this time of year."

 

"What about Max?" At Booster's confused frown, Junior blinked at him and explained. "He's a zombie. He probably wouldn't even miss it. I mean, it might be gross having him around without his skin, but it's all going to rot off eventually anyway and it's still mostly intact right now."

 

Booster pointed at him. "You," he said sternly, then pointed at the robot. "Go...tinker until you're less creepy."

 

The boy heaved the "grown ups are so stupid" sigh of teenagers throughout history and slunk back to the robot. Wearily covering his face with his hands, Booster tilted his head back and wondered if Ted had been a creepy kid or if that was his influence. Or if it was the result of Junior spending his entire life (as short and possibly unnatural as it was) hanging out with a zombie, a robot, and a supervillain. Then he purposefully went back to work and tried not to think about that, setting Xipe Totec's thigh aside...and under some papers...behind something that looked a little like a garbage disposal carved from rock.

 

Flipping to another page he had bookmarked, Booster located the object described on it and looked it over. Cybele's Stone was made of amber and looked a lot like a bee trapped in the center of an egg-shaped chunk of its own honey. There was some worrying talk of castration in the book, but as far as Booster could tell that was just some of the history behind Cybele and her (completely insane!) followers. Using the Stone itself didn't require any unnecessary removal of body parts, and sounded relatively harmless compared to some of the things he had read about.

 

So it was with some trepidation and a swelling of hope that Booster double-checked the pronunciation guide in _The Idiot's Guide To Spell-Casting_ , pointed the Stone at a hastily-cleared section of floor, warned Junior (again) to stay out of the way, and spoke the words of power. For a moment nothing happened, though Booster thought maybe the Stone got a little warmer, but that could have been his imagination. Then the air shimmered a little before a blinding flash of light blazed from Cybele's Stone and Booster briefly saw what looked like an x-ray of his arm before the light blotted out his vision.

 

When the light finally faded, Booster's eyes watered as he blinked spots out of them, feeling annoyed that the book's warnings hadn't included sunglasses. As his sight returned, all thoughts of sunglasses left Booster's mind. There, standing where the Stone had been pointed, was Ted Kord, AKA the Blue Beetle. Ted Kord, AKA the Blue Beetle, with a mullet. Ted Kord, AKA the Blue Beetle, with a mullet, wearing all of his Blue Beetle costume except for the cowl. That was how the mullet was visible.

 

Mullet.

 

"Huh," Booster said. Zombies made him scream like a small child, inexplicable hair made his brain stall out. Who knew?

 

Beetle swayed a little, then groaned, and for a moment Booster worried that he had accidentally created another zombie. Then Ted's eyes opened, blearily took in his surroundings, and focused on Booster as he asked in a groggy but clear voice, "Booster, what did you do?"

 

Booster beamed happily. "It's you."


	3. ~2nd Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Obviously there are a few issues that need resolving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/04/2005, with the author's note:  
> "Less robot, still no dinosaurs, but definitely magic afoot. *waggles eyebrows and cigar* How it got to be that foot I'll never know."

"Booster?"

 

"I mean, the hair's a little unexpected, but it's still you—"

 

" _Booster...._ "

 

"And it could be worse; you could've come back as a kid—"

 

"Yeah about that...." Ted murmured, peering over Booster's shoulder at Junior with confused half-recognition.

 

"Or a zombie!"

 

Ted groaned and covered his face with one hand. "Oh tell me you didn't."

 

"Or something. But seriously, the mullet look? Not working for you."

 

"You're one to talk!" Ted snapped, waving a hand at Booster's head. "What were you _thinking_?"

 

Booster stopped abruptly, looking up at him. "Huh?"

 

"Your hair. Is black," Ted said slowly, frustrated. "Your eyebrows. Are blonde. Now can you _shut up_ about _my_ hair for five minutes and explain what the hell is going on?!"

 

If he had been expecting anything, it was not for Booster Gold to grab him in a hug that bordered on asphyxiating and mutter, "I missed you, Ted."

 

At a loss, Ted awkwardly patted Booster on the back and sent a confused look Junior's way. The boy shrugged and ate some raisins. Ted frowned and turned his attention back to his friend; if the kid was some sort of young sidekick or something, he didn't think very highly of Booster's choice.

 

"Uh, Booster buddy?" Ted cleared his throat. "You're moving past awkward into sexual harassment."

 

Booster slowly let him go, keeping his hands on Ted's shoulders, and beamed at him. In the face of someone so obviously happy just with the simple fact of his existence, Ted sighed and stared down at his feet as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

 

"Booster, I'm just...really confused right now. Anything you could do to clear that up would just...would be great."

 

"Um...what's the last thing you remember?" Booster asked evasively.

 

Ted frowned and thought back. "I was..." _...investigating a potentially massive and dangerous conspiracy and found...._ "Max! He—" A shot rang out in his mind and his eyes widened. "He...."

 

"He's in the closet," Junior piped up helpfully, pointing to the door.

 

Briefly glancing at him in surprise, Ted quickly whirled to face the closet, eyes narrowing and lips pulling back in a snarl as he advanced on it.

 

"Uh—Ted?! Don't—"

 

The smell hit him first: rotting meat overlaid with an overabundance of air freshener. Earlier, Junior had opened the closet door, emptied an entire can with "Fresh Breeze" written on it, and then slammed the door in Zombie Max's face just as the animated corpse got himself facing the right direction to shuffle toward him. Ted didn't know that, and for that matter neither did Booster. Booster had been napping at the time and Junior had taken advantage of the opportunity to act without adult supervision by trying to improve Max's smell. His efforts were only partially successful. Zombie Max had the scent of rotting meat carried on a fresh breeze.

 

The second thing to grab Ted's notice was the unnatural angle of his neck. It was twisted in a manner that looked quite painful and Booster and Junior had taken it for granted that it was the reason for him being dead in the first place.

 

Then Zombie Max groaned at him and all the puzzle pieces came together in Ted's mind to form a picture of a decomposing corpse moving and, more importantly, moving _in his direction_.

 

The closet door slammed shut.

 

Ted stared at it a moment, hand still on the knob, then made an odd "hhh" sound followed by something that sounded a lot like "nyah."

 

Ever helpful, Junior pointed out, "He's a zombie."

 

Booster tentatively moved closer to Ted. "You okay, Ted?"

 

A strange look crossed the man's face, then he calmly turned and walked toward a pile of assorted basement detritus. "Fine," he muttered, rummaging through boxes and other items before finding what he was looking for. Holding the item so that Booster couldn't see it, though it didn't seem intentional, Ted came back to the closet and opened the door again.

 

Zombie Max lurched.

 

Ted yelled incoherently and attacked him with a metal baseball bat.


	4. ~3rd Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Someone needs a nap...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/10/2005, with the author's note:  
> "Delayed for quality control and added length: the next chapter in this steadily unfolding, poorly groomed, and still nameless saga!"

By the time Booster managed to disarm and subdue Ted, the man had already done significant damage. Zombie Max's nose was completely missing, making his visage even more disturbing and skull-like, and the angle of his neck was even more unnatural.

 

Also, Ted's hair was a mess.

 

"Let me go!!" Ted shouted, struggling against him.

 

Booster grunted as Ted's elbow connected with his midsection, though it seemed more an accident of flailing limbs than a deliberate attack. "Not until you calm down."

 

" _I'm calm!!!_ " Ted snarled. "Now let me go so I can rip his f—"

 

"Children present!" Booster yelped, clamping a hand over the man's mouth.

 

"Aw," Junior lamented, nudging the closet door closed again with the baseball bat. Then Ted yelled incoherently again and he perked up. "This is _so cool_! You didn't tell me he was psycho!"

 

Booster huffed with effort as he trapped Ted's arms behind his back and tried to get him in a leg lock. "He's actually— _ngh!_ —taking it better than I expecte— _hurk!_ " He jerked back to avoid getting hit by Ted's head, then ended up spitting out the man's hair. "I thought he'd be— _gh!_ —freaking out over being dead."

 

All of a sudden Ted's whole body tensed into stillness. Then, eyes widening, he shouted, "OH MY GOD!!"

 

"Crap." Booster winced.

 

"Oh my god!" Ted shouted again, voice rising in hysteria. "I was _dead_! I was—I was— _Why am I not dead?!_ "

 

Feeling Ted was sufficiently distracted by his own mortality, Booster gave up on restraining him and instead wrapped his arms around his friend. "Magic," he said in what he hoped was a soothing voice.

 

"Muh?"

 

"I...brought you back with magic," Booster admitted slowly.

 

Ted slumped back against him, eyes closing as he murmured, "Oh. Okay."

 

There were a few moments of silence and stillness before Junior started to fidget and send longing glances toward the stairs. Booster caught his eye and tilted his head toward the stairs in silent permission and the boy uncertainly shuffled off, taking the bat with him. If Ted noticed any of the exchange, he gave no indication.

 

A few more moments passed, then: "Booster?"

 

Booster lifted his head and did his best to project wasn't-sniffing-your-hair vibes. "Yeah?"

 

"I'm gonna take a nap."

 

Booster blinked. "'Kay."

 

That resolved, Ted settled against him and drifted into sleep.

 

Left alone in the basement with his sleeping best friend, Booster tightened his arms around him and then squeezed his eyes shut as he rested his forehead on Ted's shoulder. "Missed you, Ted," he whispered.

 

* * *

 

In the groggy state of regaining consciousness, Ted could almost pretend it had all been a bad dream brought on by eating things that were probably very unhealthy right before bed. As he opened his eyes, however, there was no fooling himself.

 

There was no mistaking Booster's black hair and blonde eyebrows.

 

There was just something very wrong about the man's new hair. But then, who was he to judge? He had come back from the dead with a mullet.

 

Back from the dead.

 

He had been _dead_. Deceased. No longer living. Ceased to be. Pushing up daisies and not pining for the damned fjords but an _ex-Ted_!

 

It was a bit to take in.

 

Ted remembered joking about it. "How's so-and-so?" "Oh, he died. But he's much better now!" It was a long-standing slightly serious joke that the afterlife had a revolving door policy with regards to the superhero community.

 

It wasn't as funny when it was happening to him.

 

And what had Booster said about bringing him back with magic? When had Booster learned magic?

 

Ted peered at the man curiously, slumped over an old desk with his head pillowed on his crossed arms. He was clearly exhausted, so Ted was careful to be quiet as he sat up on what turned out to be a cot and slowly got to his feet. He had a vague idea that Booster's...young ward? Teenage sidekick? Illegitimate son? Visiting neighbor kid? He had a vague idea that the boy was upstairs somewhere, and silently made his way up the stairs, skillfully avoiding the places that he knew creaked.

 

The house was...a mess.

 

The basement was the same as ever, with its tidy sprawl of things that had no place upstairs, so it hadn't registered in his mind that the rest of the house would reflect the attack that had put Booster in the hospital...however long ago it was. Fire damage was everywhere, though the extent varied. Water damage shared space with it, apparently both from efforts to put out the blaze and rain in the areas no longer covered with a roof.

 

There also appeared to be a pathway through the destruction and debris. Several pathways, actually, leading to various rooms. Soft sounds drifted from the same room from which a glow of light could be seen around the partially open door. Peering through the crack between the door and its frame, Ted could see part of a TV, which appeared to be the source of the light.

 

As he pushed open the door, it creaked a little and he remembered that he had to oil the hinge occasionally and had been meaning to replace it. Apparently no one had taken care of it in his absence. A breeze from a gaping hole in the roof blew past him, tossing a few strands of hair in his eyes, and reminded him that perhaps basic maintenance of a house with such extensive damage to it was a bit pointless.

 

"I've been meaning to fix that," a quiet voice brought his thoughts back to the room.

 

Sitting on the floor staring up at him, eerily illuminated by the television's glow, was the boy. The yellow goggles— _his_ goggles, now that he thought about it—were shoved up on top of the boy's head, and Ted recognized the (hopelessly baggy) shirt he was wearing as one of his own.

 

The kid had been going through his stuff.

 

The kid had been staying at his house long enough to have considered basic maintenance.

 

The kid was staring at him expectantly while sitting in his house, watching his TV, wearing his cast-offs, and...eating his raisins.

 

"Who are you?" Ted asked.

 

* * *

 

Junior stared at the man who, as Booster had absently explained it, had contributed DNA to his genetic structure via a hair clog from a bathtub drain, helping to give birth to him from beyond the grave. He decided against mentioning that for the first ten minutes of his life he had been confused as to whether his name was "Um" or "Ohcrap." He considered that he was the genetic offspring of a dead superhero and a man who hadn't been born yet but was still making a go at supervillainy, and that he had childhood memories originating from both.

 

Junior held out his hand and said, "Booster calls me 'Junior'. Should I call you Ted or Beetle?"

 

"Ted...works for now," Ted muttered, staring at Junior's hand for a moment before cautiously reaching out and shaking it.

 

Nodding, Junior picked up the box of raisins at his side and held them up. "Want some?" He popped one in his mouth. "They're good."

 

When Ted tentatively took a few raisins from the small box, Junior beamed at him. Due to being able to count the entire span of his life in days rather than years, fragmented childhood memories that weren't actually his, and the only other person around for his entire life that _didn't_ actively try to eat his flesh being a very distracted and busy supervillain, the sum total of Junior's life experience was rather limited. As such, he had formed in his mind an odd sort of connection between food and affection.

 

When he first came into being, he had been cold, hungry, confused, and a little worried by the nearby smell of smoke. Booster, meanwhile, had been confused, panicking, and just about useless for taking care of a newborn, even if the newborn was about five feet tall and already knew how to walk and talk. Junior had been mostly ignored for a while except for the occasional worried look and the "Um"s and "Ohcrap"s that he had initially taken to be his name.

 

The very first thing Booster had done to take care of him, after several minutes of trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong, was absently hand him the can of corn he had been eating (nonperishables being the only edible food in the house). True, it was only because he had heard the boy's stomach growling and his instincts for handling hungry children were apparently functional in some limited capacity, but Junior didn't know that. So the first kindness in his life was not a hug but cold corn.

 

Ted didn't know any of that and Booster hadn't thought about it, but quite a lot was probably explained by it.

 

"What are you watching?" Ted asked, motioning toward the TV screen from which the word "PAUSE" glowed brightly.

 

"Silence of the Lambs," Junior answered, then picked up the remote and wiggled it a little. "Wanna watch with me?"

 

Ted considered the question seriously. He had come upstairs looking for answers, but the lure of mindlessly staring at a movie featuring the mundanity of (living!) cannibals, senseless violence, and good old fashioned detective work was strong.

 

"Sure," he said, sitting next to the boy.

 

On screen, the detective and the serial killer stared at each other through a clear wall. In the room, the newly resurrected superhero and the newly born teen sat side by side and stared at the screen.

 

"Skinning people is bad, right?"

 

"Yes," Ted said as he scooted further away. "Yes it is."


	5. ~4th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You got some 'splainin' to do, Booster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/19/2005, with the author's note:  
> "Credit where credit is due, "The Big Book of Resurrection Rituals" is from [here](http://www.livejournal.com/users/heykidzcomix/3501.html?thread=30381#t30381).  
> And I do believe this is the longest chapter yet. *squint* If they're going to keep getting progressively longer...well, I don't know. I just don't know.  
> (Many thanks to my beta, lakidaa, who did not run screaming in the wake of the insane amount of [WTF goes here?! *flail*] this chapter contained. As well as for many lovely suggestions.)"

Booster woke up with the instant feeling that Something Was Not As It Should Be. A glance over at the cot where he had deposited Ted earlier revealed that the man was missing and thus the source of the feeling of wrongness. Something in his chest tightened and he had to remember to breathe as panic tried to settle over him.

 

 _He just...woke up and...went upstairs!_ Booster thought, head whipping around to face the stairs as he did his best to not imagine Ted fading away in his sleep.

 

After one more quick glance around the basement to make sure he hadn't missed something (he refused to even consider checking Zombie Max's closet), Booster hurried upstairs and started looking for any signs that Ted had been there. A muffled scream pierced the air and Booster sprinted for the partly closed door it had come from. He swung it open, hinges protesting quietly, and found himself staring wild-eyed at the exact same expression from two eerily similar faces.

 

There was another muffled scream and now Booster saw that it came from the TV, and also sounded nothing like Ted screaming. For a moment Booster wondered why they were watching gay prison porn together before he realized what was actually happening. "Ew, is he _eating_ that guy's face?"

 

Ted frowned at him. "I _know_ you've seen this movie before."

 

"Yeah, but I fell asleep before the face-eating part!" Booster protested, grimacing in disgust as he looked away from the screen. Adrenaline was ebbing away and he felt almost limp with relief that no one had disappeared while he was asleep.

 

(On second thought, Zombie Max disappearing might have been helpful.)

 

Bored by the conversation, Junior turned back to the movie. "No wonder you got weird when I suggested skinning Max," he muttered, shaking some raisins out in his hand.

 

Ted frowned at Junior, who didn't notice. Then he frowned at Booster, who _did_ notice, and winced. "I...have to go talk to Booster, kiddo. This has been fun. ...Thanks for the raisins." He stood up and frowned more at Booster.

 

Junior flashed him a quick grin. "'Kay. Any time!" he chirped, before once again losing himself in the bloody antics of serial killers.

 

"Booster," Ted said in a low voice, walking past him out the door. When Booster hesitated to follow, he grabbed his arm and pulled him along until Booster reluctantly kept pace. When they got back down in the basement, Ted shifted through various poses trying to find something to do with his hands, then finally settled on crossing his arms over his chest.

 

"Um—" Booster started, but was interrupted.

 

"Let's start at the beginning," Ted said, frowning at him again. "Why am I—You brought me back with—No, how long was I...." He grimaced and shoved a hand through his hair, then made an odd face when he realized it was still longer than he expected it to be. "How long?"

 

Booster rubbed the back of his neck, furrowing his brow. He'd been doing so well not thinking about...that. "I...don't really know," he sighed. "Maybe...less than a month. I don't know exactly when you...when...." He cleared his throat and stared down at the floor. There was an odd paint stain on it that looked a little like blood...if blood was a dirty blue color. "I know it was some time between when you left the hospital and when Batman showed us your goggles," he swallowed thickly as the image of Blue Beetle's shattered, bloody goggles swam into his mind's eye, "but I don't know what day.... It's been a little less than a month since then. I kind of lost track of time, though, so I don't know what today is."

 

He looked up to find Ted still frowning at him, but differently. The man opened and closed his mouth a few times in an attempt to speak, but couldn't seem to find the words. Finally, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, I have...questions about that, but they can wait. _How_ did you...what the hell did you do to me, anyway?"

 

Crossing to the desk, Booster picked up Cybele's Stone and held it up for Ted's inspection. "I used this to resurrect you," he said, adding, "Well, this and a spell, but mostly this. The spell's just...like an 'on' button."

 

Ted had an odd look on his face. "How—Where did you get— _How?_ " He pulled a hand over his face, then left it there. "Where did you get that, how did you know how to use it?"

 

" _The Big Book of Resurrection Rituals,_ " Booster answered, carefully setting the Stone back down. He wasn't sure what would happen to Ted if it was damaged, so he wasn't taking any chances.

 

"You're _kidding_."

 

Booster leaned over the desk to flip the book closed and held it up so Ted could see the cover. After a quick scan of the title, Ted looked at him and said flatly, "Booster, that's in Latin."

 

"Yeah, there's a Latin/English dictionary...somewhere around here." Booster set the large tome back on the desk and glanced around at the contained chaos of his workspace with a frown.

 

Ted shook his head and waved a hand to indicate he didn't care, or at least wasn't going to spare it further thought for the moment. "Nevermind. What about...?" He motioned toward the closet. It took Booster a moment to realize he meant Zombie Max; he'd gotten so used to the undead tenant he'd forgotten him.

 

"Accident," Booster said sheepishly, then cleared his throat and rocked back and forth on his feet. "Not sure what I did. But he's not the kind of zombie with super-strength, so he's pretty harmless." He shrugged. "Junior thought maybe he needed to eat in order to have super-strength, but I made him stop throwing spoiled meat at him after a while because...well, he can't _catch_ and he can't bend over much. It was kind of pathetic."

 

"That's another thing—who _is_ that kid?" Ted asked, suddenly remembering. An uneasy feeling had settled in the pit of his stomach.

 

"He's...sort of...my son?" Booster muttered reluctantly.

 

"Your _son_? He has to be at least—wait, how is he 'sort of' your son?"

 

"Well he's...also...sort of...your-son-too-don't-hurt-me!" Booster blurted in a panicked rush.

 

There was a pause before— " _What?!_ " Booster winced at the outburst as Ted's face rapidly cycled through several different expressions before settling on a combination of incredulous disbelief and confusion as he sputtered out, "How—how— _how_ is he my son too?!"

 

"Well, you know Max—" Booster started.

 

"OH GOD—he's not the father too, is he?!" Ted shouted in wide-eyed horror, grabbing Booster's shoulders with both hands.

 

"No!" Booster yelped, wincing as Ted's fingers dug in. "Just you and, uh, me. It was an _accident_ like Max—the wording wasn't clear and the translation was a pain in the ass!"

 

Ted frowned at him, one eyebrow rising while the other lowered. "You're making this up," he said, trailing off as Booster slowly shook his head. Ted stared at him while Booster did his best to look harmless. "...My son?"

 

Booster nodded.

 

"And _your_ son?"

 

Booster nodded.

 

"He wanted to skin Max?"

 

Booster shrugged sheepishly.

 

Ted frowned. "You named him ' _Junior_ '?"

 

"Well I had to call him something. He was starting to answer to 'oh crap'."

 

Ted closed his eyes and bowed his head, letting go of Booster's shoulders. He turned away, crossing one arm over his chest and resting his elbow on it as he cupped the lower half of his face. "This is...a lot," he muttered. He glanced back over his shoulder and Booster could tell he was frowning behind his hand by the way his eyebrows scrunched. "None of it explains your hair, though."

 

"Oh. That." Booster cleared his throat, looking embarrassed. "Well, it...seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, if I was going to be a supervillain I thought I should look the par—"

 

"Wait, what?"

 

Booster blinked at him. "What what?"

 

"Supervillain?" Ted's expression had returned to incredulous. "What are you— What the hell were you—" His eyes narrowed and a hint of accusation slipped into his voice. "When did you become a supervillain?!"

 

"About the time everyone stopped giving a damn about you!" Booster snapped, then grimaced and crossed his arms over his chest. "I even tried to shoot Batman."

 

Ted raised an eyebrow. "You took a shot at Batman?"

 

Booster shrugged.

 

"That's...actually kinda cool."

 

Surprised, Booster looked up to see Ted smiling a little. "Yeah?"

 

"Yeah," Ted said, then pointed a finger at him. "You're nuts, but yeah." He frowned again. "So...no one noticed I was...?"

 

"Guy and Bea, maybe," Booster sighed. "Probably a few other people. I haven't really spoken to them since I started...trying to get you back."

 

"...Have you spoken to _anyone_ lately?"

 

" _Yes,_ " Booster said indignantly.

 

Ted leveled a look at him. "People you created don't count!"

 

Booster shuffled his feet. "...No," he muttered.

 

"God!" Ted threw his hands up and paced a few feet. "You _are_ nuts! Hell, this whole thing is nuts! You _accidentally_ made us the supporting cast of 'Junior Has Two Daddies'—"

 

"I—"

 

"—you're keeping the _zombie_ of the man who _killed me_ in a closet—"

 

"He tries to eat people otherwise!"

 

"—you've apparently become some insane hermit supervillain—"

 

"I couldn't get the stuff I needed legally!"

 

"—you shot at _Batman_ , for God's sake—"

 

"He had it coming!"

 

"—you brought me back from _the dead_ , Booster! _Dead._ I was—"

 

Booster suddenly grabbed Ted by the shoulders and shook him. "I know!" he shouted. "You were dead! Killed being a hero, and no one _cared_! If I could I'd try to shoot Batman again and I hope Superman isn't there to block it this time! You didn't deserve.... I—I—You were... _hnn_ —" Just as suddenly as he'd grabbed him, Booster collapsed against the surprised man, clinging tightly.

 

"Booster?" Ted asked worriedly, wrapping his arms around the man and shifting slightly to better support his weight.

 

"You were dead." Booster said in a small voice. "You were dead and...and...I didn't know what to...so I just kept going and...and now you...." He squeezed him, pressing his face against Ted's neck. "I got you back," he whispered. "I got you _back_. ...I don't know what to do now, Ted...."

 

Ted sighed, gently rocking him. "It's okay, Booster," he murmured. "It's okay. We...we do the same thing we do every night."

 

"Whuzzat?" Booster muttered, calmer.

 

"Try to take over the world."

 

There was a silent pause before Booster lifted his head to look at him. They stared at each other for a moment before Ted's lips twitched into a grin. Booster grinned back. "God I missed you, Ted."

 

Then, just as he was leaning forward to kiss Ted, Booster passed out.


	6. ~5th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In which bonding does occur, yea verily."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/23/2005, with the author's note:  
> "...and at this point I should really be thinking of naming this thing. Maybe Bob. Fred? I've always been fond of Alejandro. But enough about that, you probably don't care!  
> Thanks go out again to lakidaa. Some scenes were originally RP/chat and general silliness with her. So direct any coffeepot love in her direction, that was her idea. (You'll know it when you see it.)"

Ted quickly got over the possible-imminent-kiss-from-best-friend surprise and moved straight into suddenly-unconscious-best-friend surprise, staggering a little as he found himself supporting Booster's full weight. Making a snappy and logical decision, he decided to consult someone who had been around Booster recently for longer than he had.

 

And Zombie Max was just out of the question.

 

Head thrown back, Ted bellowed, " _JUNIOR!_ "

 

There was a thump from upstairs, then the pounding of rapid footsteps, followed closely by the basement door banging open and the clunk of stairs being taken many at a time. The whole process took well under a minute and soon the boy was staring down at him from the stairs, eyes wide as he took in the scene. "Is he dead?"

 

Ted opened his mouth to snap a reply, but stopped when he took a look at Junior's face; he was genuinely worried that Booster might have suddenly dropped dead for no apparent reason.

 

"No," Ted sighed, shifting the man in his arms to grip him under the armpits. "He's just unconscious." He grunted slightly as he dragged Booster over to the cot he had woken up on earlier and dumped him on it. Once he had the man situated comfortably, Ted straightened and turned to face the boy. "Let's talk."

 

* * *

 

Booster groaned softly as he regained consciousness. He felt slightly hungover. Hungover in the sense that his head was pounding and he had the vague feeling that he'd done something stupid. But something had been resolved, he thought, and Ted was—

 

"Waaakey wakey, Booster-buddy."

 

...sitting next to him with an expectant look on his face, Booster found as he cracked open his eyes. Over Ted's shoulder, Booster could see Junior nervously glancing between the two, fidgeting guiltily.

 

"Oh good, you're awake," Ted said casually.

 

"Um," said Booster.

 

"Junior's been telling me all about what a _great_ job you've been doing taking care of yourself," Ted continued, voice stern and sarcastic in equal parts.

 

"Uh?"

 

"One of his fondest memories is of cold corn. _Cold. Corn_ , Booster." Ted was frowning. Behind him, Booster could see Junior open his mouth to say something, then reconsider mid-inhalation and close his mouth again. "What's the last thing you ate?"

 

Booster cast his mind back for a moment before settling on the memory of Junior's grin over a box of— "Raisins."

 

Glancing over his shoulder, Ted asked, "When was that, kiddo?"

 

Junior shot Booster an apologetic look before answering, "Yesterday."

 

Closing his eyes again, Booster muttered without any real conviction, "Traitor snitch."

 

Ted swatted at Booster's hair. Then he frowned and poked at it. Curiosity apparently satisfied, he took a deep breath and clapped his hands, plastering on an enthusiastic smile. "So it's settled: we're going out to get supplies. It'll be...a...nice...family...outing." A muscle in his face twitched as he forced the words out.

 

Junior's face lit up, eyes widening with excitement. "Cool! Can we get more corn?"

 

Ted's gaze swung back around from Junior to Booster and he frowned at the man. Booster grimaced and practiced being One With The Cot.

 

* * *

 

Preparing for the outing took longer than Ted had expected. As with most superheroes, he and Booster were old hands at getting into and out of their costumes in a hurry. Since his closet had remained relatively untouched by the various damage done to the house, Ted was able to change easily enough, and Booster traded his black hoodie for one of Ted's shirts, jackets, and (at Ted's insistence) a hat.

 

The problem was Junior.

 

While he had figured out where the nonperishables were stored easily enough, gotten the TV working, been tinkering with a robot, and taking care of some of the more basic maintenance around the house...he hadn't figured out much in the way of personal hygiene. His hair had yet to see a comb, ever. The water hadn't been shut off yet, but he hadn't used it for anything but drinking.

 

When Ted explained to the boy that it was probably a bad idea to go out in a shirt that threatened to fall off _both_ shoulders simultaneously and novelty boxers that could easily be considered a public indecency, Booster muttered something suspicious about lime green shoes and dominant genes.

 

The problem was solved easily enough, though. Junior had enough sense to figure things out once handed soap and shampoo and pointed toward the shower. Combing was a bit more difficult, but with the crazy things kids did to their hair, Ted and Booster didn't think anyone would really notice. They found a shirt for him that was slightly stretchy so the openings for the head and arms were smaller to begin with, and managed to belt up a pair of shorts around his narrow waist. Ted instructed him to keep his jacket at least partially zipped up to hide the makeshift wardrobe, just in case some well-meaning neighbor tried to report him for child abuse and revealed that not only was he supposed to be dead, but he also wasn't supposed to have any children.

 

With that all handled, they set out for the store.

 

Three minutes later they returned to the house to use the bathroom.

 

"You should have gone before we _left_ , Booster!" Ted shouted after him.

 

* * *

 

The term "culture shock" describes feelings of anxiety, disorientation, and confusion felt by an individual when they come into contact with a new social environment.

 

Ted had been to the store before. Many times throughout his life, in fact. It was not, technically speaking, a new social environment for him.

 

Despite that, he was feeling a degree of culture shock. The smudged but shiny linoleum, the overhead fluorescent lighting, the constant buzz of chatter and motion, the filtered and regulated air, and the soft, easily forgettable overlay of piped-in music. It was all a far cry from cement and scorched carpet, intermittent natural and electrical light, eerie silence broken only by the sporadic sounds from Booster and Junior, air whistling irregularly through gaping holes in the house's structure, even the soft, occasional shuffle of Zombie Max in his closet. It was amazing how quickly he had gotten used to the insular existence. And if _he_ was feeling disoriented....

 

Glancing to either side, he realized for the first time that Booster and Junior had moved progressively closer to him as they got closer to the store. Now that they were in the store, Ted's personal space had shrunk so much that any sudden movements on his part would probably result in one or both of his entourage plastered to his side.

 

Ted put his arms around the shoulders of Booster and Junior, stifling a laugh as they both jumped in surprise. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Okay, troops, what do we need?"

 

"Corn," Junior said immediately. After a second's thought he added, "Raisins."

 

Turning to Booster, Ted asked, "Does the voice of experience have anything to add?"

 

"Nothing that'll spoil," Booster said, leaning into him.

 

Ted frowned. "Why? What's wrong with my fridge?"

 

"I think rats got in it."

 

"...How could _rats_ get in my _fridge_?" Ted asked, bewildered.

 

Equally bewildered, and a little embarrassed, Booster just shrugged.

 

"Nevermind," Ted sighed, hanging his head. It was fast becoming obvious that in order to get anything done he would have to cultivate a well-crafted state of denial. Everything normal here! No formerly dead superheroes, no sir! We're all sane, here!

 

"To the produce department!" Ted declared, dropping his arms from around Booster and Junior to point in the correct direction. That said, he marched off in the direction of fresh green things, firmly wrapping denial around himself in a protective layer.

 

* * *

 

Ted was comparing the prices of two cans of soup that to his untrained eye looked exactly the same, when he felt something suddenly impact with his side and grab him around the middle. Surprised, he jumped, let out a very unmanly yelp, and almost dropped the can of soup he was holding.

 

When he looked down, he found Junior...hugging him. Hugging him and looking up at him worriedly.

 

"Um," said Ted as the boy let go.

 

"Was that right?" Junior asked quietly. "I saw— And you said we were family, so...." He trailed off, looking uncertain.

 

Something inside Ted hurt just a little, looking down at the boy's earnest expression. "Yeah," he said softly, setting a hand on Junior's shoulder and pulling him close again. "It is. And...we are."

 

Junior beamed up at him, then leaned his head against Ted's side and let out a contented sigh.

 

They stood like that for a few moments, Junior leaning in and Ted just letting his hand rest on the boy's shoulder, before Junior looked up again and grinned, with what Ted suddenly suspected were Booster's shiny future teeth. "I'm gonna go find Booster now," he announced.

 

Ted grinned back, the same grin but with different teeth, and ruffled the boy's hair. "And give him a big hug?"

 

"Yeah!" Junior enthused, bouncing away.

 

Halfway down the aisle, he abruptly stopped, turned around, and ran back to give Ted another quick hug. "Thanks, Ted!" he chirped, then bounded off again.

 

"Yeah, you're welcome," Ted murmured, watching him disappear around the corner. Then he turned back to the selection of soups and did his best to wrap himself up in chicken-noodle denial.

 

Though Booster's surprised squawk from a few aisles over did make him smile.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, in the nearby home of Noah Kuttler, also known as The Calculator, an argument was taking place. That in and of itself was not unusual. What was unusual was that the argument was taking place between Noah and his coffeemaker.

 

In his line of work, Noah consumed large amounts of caffeine. Coffee was his lifeblood, and any attempts to keep it from him were naturally met with a great deal of crankiness.

 

"Cappuccino, you oversized tincan!" Noah snapped. "How hard is that? Just make me a damn cappuccino!"

 

"No," the coffeemaker replied, its computerized voice sounding, if anything, petulant.

 

"I paid good money for you! Make it!! Make anything! Cappuccino, coffee, I don't care, as long as it has caffeine!!"

 

"Nnnnnnno," drawled the coffeemaker. It had obviously not been a coffeemaker for very long, and so was not fully aware of the temperament of a caffeine addict deprived of their fix.

 

Noah growled something unintelligible, grabbed the coffeemaker in both hands, and suddenly chucked it out the open window. Then he started digging through his kitchen for his old coffeepot, thinking that perhaps there were some things technology couldn't improve.

 

As the stubborn little coffeemaker that wouldn't flew through the air, it reveled in its new-found freedom.

 

"Wheee!"

 

* * *

 

Walking home from the store, one did not expect for metal objects bigger than a breadbox to come hurtling through the air to impact with one's head. So it came as quite a surprise when one did just that to Booster, knocking the hat off his head and nearly knocking him on his backside. Instinctively catching the object as it bounced off his head, Booster frowned, looked up, then looked at the object again. "Coffeemaker from the sky," he muttered, absently rubbing his head. "Huh."

 

"Sir?" the coffeemaker asked, sounding both surprised and pleased.

 

Booster nearly dropped the object again. "SKEETS?!"

 

"I live!" the AI proclaimed.

 

Booster stared.

 

This exchange had not gone unnoticed, and Ted and Junior had stopped as well to see what was happening.

 

Ted stared.

 

Junior perked up. "Spare parts!"

 

"Not again!" Skeets mourned.

 

" _No!_ " Booster snapped sternly, holding the former robot out of reach.

 

"What the hell?" Ted muttered, feeling a headache coming on.

 

Junior, abandoning the bag of groceries he had been carrying, stood on his toes trying to reach the coffeemaker, then resorted to little hops. No success. Frowning, he pointed at Ted and said, "This is your stupid genes' fault."

 

Bewildered, Ted set his bag of groceries down next to Junior's and protested, "What? No it's not!"

 

"Actually it is," Booster said smugly, standing up to his full height. "He didn't get the short genes from me."

 

Ted glowered at him, but before he could say anything, Skeets piped up saying, "Please fix me, I'm not cut out for the life of a coffeemaker!"

 

There was a quiet pause as Ted and Junior looked at each other, then turned identical grins toward Skeets. Booster hugged the coffeemaker close. "I'm almost scared to hand Skeets over to you." Skeets made an alarmed-sounding beep.

 

"Since when has anything I built crapped out, Booster?" Ted asked defensively.

 

"...The microwave."

 

Ted frowned.

 

"The _dishwasher,_ " Booster continued, ignoring Ted's frown. "The ICE machine—"

 

"Any non-kitchen appliance, thank you!" Ted snapped.

 

While Skeets muttered predictions of doom and gloom under his nonexistent breath and Booster and Ted were occupied arguing, Junior shimmied up a nearby streetlight and suddenly lunged for the coffeemaker, grabbing it in both hands and landing neatly on his feet. "Gotcha!" he cried triumphantly, then yelled toward Ted, "Run!" as he turned tail and sped off toward home.

 

"Huh?" Seeing the boy disappearing down the street, Ted scooped up a bag of groceries and sprinted off after him.

 

"What the hell?" Booster muttered, staring at his empty hands.

 

Skeets's panicked computerized voice called out, "Save me!"

 

Booster stared after them. Then he sighed, picked up his own groceries and Junior's, and followed at a steady but quick pace.


	7. ~6th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You mean Skeets is important to the plot and not just a gratuitous cameo? Huh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 10/30/2005, with the author's note:  
> "Again, many thanks to lakidaa, for the RPs that chunks of this are based on. For helping me work out plotty details. And, as always, for betaing the bejeebus outta my bracket-filled nonsensery. Also, you can blame/thank her for Skeets's new design, as it would not have been possible without her sending me comics and saying "See? See the shiny? Use for Skeets! Do eet!" (Really, how could I argue with that? ^_^)"

Booster got back to the house soon after Ted and Junior, but not before they had already begun taking apart Skeets's coffeemaker body. Working beside the robot Junior had been tinkering with, they occasionally muttered some sort of geek code to each other.

 

"So what if we—"

 

"Ooh, I never thought of that!"

 

"Yeah! And then—"

 

"Bad touch!" Skeets warbled as Ted prodded his voice processor with some pointy metal tool Booster didn't recognize.

 

"What are you doing to my robot sidekick?!" Booster cried in horror, hastily setting the grocery bags on the floor and hurrying over to their geek huddle beside the robot.

 

"Fixing him!" Junior chirped, goggle-covered eyes focused intently on a panel in what passed for the robot's abdomen.

 

"We can make him better...." Ted muttered distractedly as he sifted through the pieces of coffeemaker for the AI module Skeets's voice processor was attached to.

 

"Faster!" Junior piped up.

 

Looking up and blinking, Ted added, "Stronger!"

 

"Better than before!" Junior crowed, waving a soldering iron.

 

"We have the technology!" Ted shouted, inserting the AI module and voice processor into the robot's abdomen while Junior leaned in to fix it in place.

 

There was a moment of expectant silence before the robot's head, likely formed from an old computer monitor, lit up. On the "face" screen the symbols "o_o" appeared, filling the space.

 

Grinning, Ted and Junior looked at each other, then burst into triumphant laughter.

 

"I feel so violated, sir," Skeets said.

 

"Creeepyyy," Booster muttered, staring alternately at the newly "repaired" Skeets and Ted and Junior, whose laughter was slowly winding down.

 

"...I can't move." Skeets suddenly remarked.

 

There was a pause as Ted frowned in confusion and Junior looked thoughtful. "But it should have at least _some_ basic maneuverability," Ted muttered. "In the arms if nowhere else."

 

" _Ohhh,_ " Junior said in the voice of the newly enlightened. " _Those._ "

 

"Those?" Ted asked suspiciously.

 

"I..." Junior cringed a little, looking sheepish, "needed the parts. And there's not much space for a robot to move around down here anyway, so...."

 

While Skeets muttered vaguely about doom again, Ted frowned thoughtfully before suddenly lifting his head to look at Junior. "Idea."

 

"What?" Junior asked eagerly.

 

Instead of answering, Ted moved to a stack of boxes and began rustling through them. Junior trailed behind.

 

"Hold me, sir," Skeets implored. Booster patted his robot shoulder consolingly.

 

"Ta-da!" Ted suddenly shouted, holding up...something that looked like a giant metal bug. Junior looked suitably impressed, while Booster frowned in confusion. The symbols ":(" appeared on Skeets's screen.

 

"It's a bug," Booster said.

 

Ted frowned at him as he brought his prize back to Skeets's robot body. "It's a Snoopy."

 

"I thought that was a dog."

 

Holding up the metal bug, Ted wiggled it at Booster. "It's a Snoopy. It snoops."

 

"Oh."

 

"Cool!" Junior gushed. Then something in one of the boxes caught his eye and he turned back to investigate.

 

"So if we can just put you in here," Ted told Skeets, wiggling the Snoopy again, "you should be able to move again."

 

Skeets said nothing, though ":/" flickered onto his screen.

 

"That's the spirit!" Ted said enthusiastically, opening the robot's abdomen once again.

 

"Sir?" Skeets warbled at Booster.

 

Booster sighed and patted his shoulder again. "Don't worry, Skeets," he said slowly. "There's...no one I'd trust with a robot body...more than Ted."

 

"I thought we agreed never to speak of that," Skeets muttered.

 

"That we did," Ted agreed, attention fixed on an open panel under the Snoopy's wings. "Transfer in a minute."

 

"What?"

 

Not answering Skeets's worried question, Ted carefully disconnected the AI module from the robot. Booster startled a little as the robot's screen "face" went dark once again, waving a hand in front of it and staring at his own reflection. Ted glanced up from inserting the module in the Snoopy and said, "He's in here, Booster."

 

Booster quickly dropped his hand and straightened. "I know."

 

"Relax," Ted told him, smiling. "I just had to disconnect his voice processor for a moment. He'll be back and chatting again just as soon as I get everything hooked up."

 

"I know," Booster said, smiling back. "I trust you, Ted."

 

A sudden clatter had both of them looking up to find Junior laying on his stomach trying to reach under a pile of various basement detritus. When they turned to face each other again, Ted made shooing motions at Booster with a pointy metal tool. "Go be a parent," he said. "I'm busy."

 

Booster sighed and ambled over to stand next to Junior. "What are you doing, Junior?"

 

The boy's frantic waving of his arm underneath the pile abruptly stopped with a soft metallic clunk. Grunting slightly, Junior shifted, then did an odd sort of crab-crawl with his arm still extended. After he had moved far enough, he rolled onto his back and held aloft the object he had been reaching for, grinning in triumph.

 

Booster tilted his head to look at it, then raised an eyebrow. "Spray paint?"

 

" _Gold_ spray paint," Junior corrected.

 

Rolling his eyes, Booster muttered, "Of course."

 

Junior beamed happily. "It's for Skeets," he said. "So he'll be gold again."

 

"I...see."

 

"Done!" Ted called. Booster and Junior looked over to see the Snoopy, now Skeets, hovering in front of him, somehow managing to project a sense of agitation despite a lack of facial expression.

 

"I'm a bug!" Skeets complained.

 

"It's...." Junior spoke up, then waved a hand at Booster, floundering.

 

"Advanced!" Ted interjected.

 

"Right!"

 

Booster crossed his arms over his chest and frowned while Skeets said, "Oh really."

 

Ted and Junior's expressions indicated that yes, they really and truly believed what they were saying.

 

There was a pause before Skeets turned to Booster and said, "I think I have a laser." On his former robot body's screen the symbols ":D" appeared.

 

Ted and Junior hi-fived, almost missing as their attention remained focused on Skeets. Booster moved in closer to peer curiously at his robot pal. "Really?" he asked thoughtfully, cupping his chin with one hand. "Lasers are cool...."

 

Ted frowned suddenly, something registering as the thrill of accomplishment wore off. "Wait a minute...Skeets, how did you do that?"

 

"Do what?" Skeets asked, moving to hover in front of Ted again.

 

Ted silently pointed to the screen, where the symbols still glowed white against the black background. There was a pause before Skeets tilted to the side a little, possibly a variation on a shrug, and said, "I'm still connected to it."

 

"How are you still—" Ted started, brow furrowed, but stopped as Junior suddenly caught the hovering AI with one hand and started shaking the can of spray paint in his other.

 

"I'm gonna make you gold again," Junior told the little robot as it fidgeted. "Just hold still."

 

"Sir?" Skeets warbled imploringly.

 

Booster sighed, moving to Ted's side and sitting next to him. "Just...go with it, Skeets."

 

There was an odd, hollow metallic sound that could have been the closest approximation the AI's voice processor could get to a whimper. Junior grinned. "You'll look great!" he chirped, letting go of Skeets so he could hover again. On the robot body's screen, the symbols ":(" appeared.

 

As the hiss of spray-painting combined with metallic whimpers, Ted turned to Booster, staring thoughtfully at the man's hair. "So, Booster," he said slowly. "Now that you've got me and Skeets back, and become a father, you think you'll give up this villainy shtick?" He reached up and flicked Booster's bangs. "Maybe wash out the dye?"

 

"You have _no_ room to talk about hair, here," Booster snapped, then blinked and looked down at his hands. "I mean, uh, I...like it...."

 

There was a sudden sound like a laser firing and they quickly looked up to see smoke rising from the charred tips of Junior's bangs, a startled expression on his face. The expression quickly changed to excitement and awe as the boy exclaimed, "Cool!"

 

Ted sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I come back from the dead, and what do I get?" he muttered. "A mullet and _the_ most _dysfunctional_...family...thing... _ever_."

 

Overhearing him, Junior piped up perkily, "I have two dads!" without looking up from his spray-painting.

 

At the odd look that settled on Ted's face, Booster felt the need to say _something_ to help his friend deal with the strange new realities of his life. "You know...." he said, clearing his throat. "In the _future_ —"

 

Ted suddenly covered his ears with his hands and said loudly, "La la la la, not listening!"

 

"Does this mean I'm the dog?" Skeets asked.

 

Thoughtful, Junior said, "I think you're the butler."

 

"...That is so true," Skeets said morosely.

 

Behind them, Ted and Booster continued to argue. Ted making increasingly louder claims that he could not hear Booster, and Booster trying to explain to him about genetic offspring in the future and how the whole situation would've been perfectly normal in that time period. Well, maybe not the bringing the dead back to life with magic part, but the sharing a son part, certainly.

 

" _Max_ can be the dog!" Junior exclaimed with sudden inspiration. "Can I keep him? Huh? I'll clean up anything that falls off him!"

 

"Max?" It was amazing how much confusion the AI could fit into one syllable with his robotic voice.

 

Junior pointed. "He's in the closet."

 

Skeets was silent for a long moment before he finally said flatly, "What?" He turned to glance at Ted, then back to Junior. "I was under the impression that Mr. Lord had met his end quite ingloriously at the hands of Wonder Woman?"

 

Instead of answering, Junior calmly strode over to the closet door and opened it. Inside, Zombie Max, very slowly decomposing, groaned and lurched. Junior slammed the door shut in his face.

 

On the robot's screen, the symbols "o.0" appeared.

 

"I already made him smell better!" Junior announced proudly.

 

"I _am_ the butler," Skeets groaned. "Zombies are not pets."

 

Hearing the door slam, Booster looked up and said sternly, "Junior, don't let the zombie out!" As the boy pouted, Booster caught sight of Ted's hand twitching toward a wrench laying on his workbench, gaze fixed unblinkingly on the closet door. "Ted, don't hit the zombie!"

 

When Ted pouted, Booster was hard pressed not to notice the similarity between father and son.

 

"Is that... _you_ , sir?" Skeets wondered in disbelief. He floated over and poked at Booster's shoulder with one of his beetle legs.

 

Thinking back over the last few seconds, a look close to horror crossed Booster's face. "I...don't know anymore...."

 

"It _is_!" Skeets cried. " _Showing responsibility!_ " There was a pause before he added, "Congratulations on your personal development!"

 

While Booster glared at the AI, Junior grinned and behind him Ted tried (unsuccessfully) to hold back a snicker. Booster sulkily muttered something that might have been dire threats.

 

"This is the best family ever!" Junior chirped, beaming.

 

At a loss, Ted said, "Uh...."

 

Unswayed by such logic, Junior called, "Group hug!" Then he threw himself at Booster and Ted, somehow managing to get his arms around Skeets as well.

 

"This is all your fault," Booster and Ted said to each other.

 

"I feel so loved," Skeets said. Junior's grin widened.

 

When the hug ended, there was a long moment when no one said or did anything, all staring at each other. It was Ted who finally broke the silence. "So, uh...now what?"

 

Booster fidgeted nervously for a second, then suddenly leaned over and kissed Ted's cheek. Surprised, Ted squinted a little and murmured, "What the—?"

 

Having turned away to study the robot body they had previously put Skeets in, Junior remained oblivious. Skeets, meanwhile, had seen and recorded it.

 

"I just won fifty bucks from L-Ron," he gloated to himself. "And another twenty from Ralph." On the robot body's screen, the symbols ":D" appeared, seeming somehow a bit bolder and, perhaps, more smug.

 

Then the image on the screen abruptly jumped, smeared, and was overlaid with bursts of static. "Sir?!" Skeets blurted in panic, darting for his larger robot body and huddling on its shoulder, letting out tiny beeps of agitation.

 

"Skeets?" Booster asked worriedly, moving to stand next to a startled Junior in front of the robot.

 

"Something...something is happening," Skeets muttered fearfully, buggy legs skittering a little.

 

Booster glanced at Ted as the man joined them, then turned back to Skeets. "What? _What's_ happening, Skeets?"

 

"Something...activated. Big. All over. Vengeance. Activated!" The little AI babbled, then gave a soft mechanical whine as the static on the screen flared brightly for a second.

 

"Skeets," Ted spoke up slowly, an odd thoughtful look on his face. "Are you still connected to Checkmate? Like you're still connected to that robot?"

 

Skeets whimpered. "Alpha, beta. Activated. Vengeance. Gamma, epsilon. Activated, activated!"

 

"Skeets!" Ted shouted. "Are you still connected?"

 

The static on the screen cleared enough for them to briefly see ":,(" before flaring again. "...Yes?"

 

"What's happening?" Ted pressed. "What's been activated?"

 

Instead of answering, the screen abruptly changed from static to a news report. "—reports coming in everywhere of people turning into—" The channel changed to another report with a jerky clip of a woman disappearing into the strange blue cocoon growing around her. When she was completely surrounded, in her place floated a blueish, humanoid robot-looking thing. Featureless save for a single shining orb in the center of its face, an odd fin on top of its head, and a stylized picture of an eye right above its chest.

 

"Oh my God...." Ted whispered.

 

When Booster looked at him, the man had his arms tightly wrapped around himself, absently rubbing his right elbow as he stared at the screen in wide-eyed horror. "Ted?"

 

Not taking his eyes from the screen, Ted said quietly, "That's the thing that beat me. Before Max...ki—before. I thought I was dead, when it beat me. Then I woke up and Max...." He trailed off. When he spoke again, his voice seemed to be coming from far away. "Skeets? How many have been activated?"

 

The AI bug skittered a little on the robot's shoulder, nervous. "...Over a million," he said quietly. "Brother Eye activated all of them."

 

"Can't you ask him to stop?" Junior asked, subdued.

 

"What?" Skeets and Booster both asked.

 

Junior stared up at the news report worriedly, then turned to Skeets. "If it's your brother, can't you ask him to stop?"

 

"It's not my brother."

 

"But...you're connected, aren't you?" Junior fumbled. "Doesn't that make you related? Isn't that how it works for AIs?"

 

"I—"

 

"Skeets?" Ted spoke up musingly. "He's right, you are connected. If you wanted to, _could_ you talk to those things?"

 

"I...suppose."

 

"What are you thinking, Ted?" Booster asked, peering at him curiously.

 

When Ted turned to him, the grin on his face made Booster think of the warm sun and sea air of Kooey Kooey Kooey. "We're going to ask it to stop, Booster."


	8. ~7th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wherein we hear, in Ted's own words, why he just happened to have a giant EMP generator."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 11/22/2005, with the author's note:  
> "Arg! Finally it's finished. ...This chapter, I mean. Not the whole fic. No, there's an epilogue yet to come.  
> Oh yeah, and I finally settled on a name for the whole shebang. Hairy Situations and Situational Hair. (Hold your applause and "about damn time"s, please.)"

The plan was simple, but not idiot-proof. In Ted's experience, idiot-proofing a plan took more time and effort, and inevitably someone involved would turn out to be the idiot equivalent of a meta and the whole thing would blow up in your face anyway. Sometimes literally.

 

Once Skeets had done some subtle snooping and revealed that the OMACs had a weakness to electro-magnetic pulses, Ted's grin widened and everything fell into place in his mind.

 

"So you just _happen_ to have a giant EMP generator laying around?" Booster asked derisively as they snuck through the darkened Kord Industries warehouse.

 

" _No_ ," Ted replied, shining his flashlight at the label on a crate. Not finding what he was looking for, he continued on his way. "I happen to have just _built_ a giant EMP generator. The Kord Omniversal Prototype Mass EMP Generator."

 

Booster followed along silently for a moment, thoughtful, before saying, "Impressive name. What's it do?"

 

"It can generate an electro-magnetic pulse equivalent in strength to a fifty-megaton nuclear blast." Ted muttered absently, reading the label on another crate.

 

Booster was silent again. Unseen behind Ted, he opened his mouth to reply, then closed it to think that over. "Oh," he finally said.

 

"Here." The flashlight beam shone on the crate's label before bouncing jerkily as Ted handed the light to Booster. "Hold it there." When Booster compiled, a crowbar appeared in the circle of light and started prying at the crate's lid as Ted grunted with the effort.

 

When the lid creaked open and Booster got his first look at the metallic cube, he asked, "Why?"

 

Bending down to inspect it, Ted glanced up at him, light casting odd shadows on his face. "Why what?"

 

Booster waved a hand at the Kord Omniversal. "Why build an EMP generator with the power of a-a—"

 

"Fifty-megaton nuclear blast?"

 

"Yes! Why?"

 

In the sharply cut light and shadows, Ted's grin looked slightly deranged. "Why _not_?"

 

* * *

 

While Ted and Booster retrieved the EMP generator, Skeets and Junior's part of the plan was to stay at home and use Skeets's connection to Brother Eye to convince the robot creatures (OMACs, Skeets informed them) that what they really wanted most in the whole wide world was to all congregate together somewhere out-of-the-way and uninhabited. Also, that on the way there it would be fun to use the Satellite of Doomy Death (Junior's naming contribution) for the high-tech outer space version of hitting mailboxes with a bat while driving past.

 

From what Skeets could sense, there was just enough human consciousness buried inside the OMACs that vague, fuzzy memories of battered mailboxes and the exhilaration of bashing the crap out of something that couldn't bash back were leaking through the collective mind of the OMACs. With that tainting their thought processes, quite a number of the creatures had taken considerable swings at the Satellite of Doomy Death.

 

Staring up at the words, images, and computer code flashing across the robot body's screen, Junior suddenly asked, "Why's Brother Eye so mad?"

 

Hovering above and to the side of his head, Skeets took a long moment before answering. "It was upset by the death of Max."

 

Junior straightened, eyebrows rising. "Well— What if we told it Max is ali—well not _alive_ , he's a zombie. But he's still...um...mobile?"

 

The screen stopped on computer code and scrolled through so fast it was a blur of fuzzy white stripes on black background. Skeets didn't reply, though he somehow managed to convey the feeling that he was staring at the screen more intently than before, for the purpose of ignoring questions aimed at him.

 

"Skeets?" Junior asked. When the little robot continued to be silent, Junior huffed in frustration and, frowning, opened the communication line connecting him and Skeets to Ted and Booster. "Dad?"

 

"Yes?" two voices answered simultaneously. There was a pause before Ted added, "Um...."

 

"Um," Junior agreed, looking bewildered. "That...okay, um, later. Skeets says Brother Eye's mad because it thinks Max is dead, but he's sort of not, so I thought maybe we could tell him and maybe he'd stop...doing things."

 

"No," Ted said firmly.

 

"But—" Junior started to protest before Ted spoke again, cutting him off.

 

"Look Junior, I'm sorry we haven't had much time to talk before, and I hope this works so we'll have that time afterward. But you need to understand some things right now and I don't have time to be anything but blunt. Max killed me. _Killed_ me, shot me in the head. He tried to kill Booster by shooting a giant space laser at him. Have you seen the huge hole in the ceiling? The fire damage? _Max_ did that. He's a bastard who got what he deserved and the only bad part about it is that I didn't get to watch. Brother Eye is a psychotic, evil machine hell-bent on destroying metas with no regard for who it hurts in carrying out that mission. A mission that _Max_ set it on. So no, Junior, you can _not_ give the psychotic, evil machine the man who twisted it from just psychotic to psychotic _and_ evil. You don't even know how it would react to Max being a zombie. It _could_ go _completely_ nuts and decide to wipe out all life on the face of the planet!"

 

There was silence on both ends of the comm, save for the muffled sounds of two men breaking into a warehouse using inside knowledge of the security system and all its codes.

 

"What do you mean?" Junior asked finally.

 

"What do I—? I _mean_ no you can't give Max to—"

 

"No, about hoping it works."

 

Again there was silence. Then a whispered conversation between Ted and Booster punctuated by the occasional indignant hiss.

 

"Junior...." Ted said slowly. "This, what we're doing, is dangerous. We're...going up against over a million killer robots, kiddo."

 

"So...um...should I have the resurrection spells ready?"

 

"Booster!" Ted snapped. "Did you explain _anything_ to him?"

 

"I was a little busy bringing you back from the dead!" Booster snapped back.

 

"And I'm grateful! When I'm not freaking out about it. But next time you accidentally create new life in the process, could you explain to it that most people don't come back from the dead?!"

 

Junior closed the comm as Booster started to reply. "Right," he said quietly. "Bad idea." Then, proving himself to be the son of Ted Kord, he stuffed the conversation in a little mental box to be ignored. Straightening his shoulders, he asked, "How much time do we have, Skeets?"

 

* * *

 

Ted and Booster weren't speaking to each other.

 

Ted was upset that they were going off to face untold danger and leaving behind a son who hadn't even been given the Sometimes People Just Die talk. Had, in fact, been raised thinking that people came back from the dead all the time and resurrecting them was perfectly normal, if a bit inconvenient.

 

Booster was upset because Ted was upset and had yelled at him. Not to mention questioning his (admittedly questionable) parenting skills.

 

Luckily, they had years of experience working together while they were angry and not on speaking terms.

 

As they made their way through the second Kord Industries warehouse they had broken into that night, Booster used a dolly to wheel the crate carrying the Kord Omniversal Prototype Mass EMP Generator and Ted again shone his flashlight on the labels of various crates.

 

"Look all I'm saying is that with cloning technology what it is these days, at the very least—" Booster started.

 

"Booster," Ted interrupted. "Are you going to try to convince me that we _don't_ need to explain the concept of death to him?"

 

"...Maybe?"

 

"The merchandise will be silent," Ted commanded, then shoved the flashlight at Booster and started prying open a crate.

 

"You know, you can't just—"

 

"Can and will. Hold this." The crate's lid was shoved at Booster and Ted started digging through the items inside. "Where is it?" Ted muttered to himself.

 

Booster opened his mouth to ask "What?" but Ted spoke up again.

 

"Did you ever think about it? Before? Having kids?"

 

"Well...I guess." Booster said slowly, leaning the crate lid against the Kord Omniversal's crate. "I mean, I sort of assumed eventually...."

 

"Me too," Ted said quietly. When he jammed the crowbar under the lid of another crate, it might have been with more force than was strictly necessary, but Booster didn't feel like pointing it out. "Though I did not— _hn!_ —envision— _huh!_ —THIS!"

 

Booster also didn't feel like pointing out that they were technically breaking and entering and should try to be quiet.

 

He felt like he probably should've let Ted have another go at Max with the bat.

 

"Found it!" Ted cried, then whirled to face Booster. "Now let's get the backup Bug put together and go save the world."

 

"Backup Bug?" Booster finally questioned. "I can fly us—"

 

"And the KOPMEG?"

 

"Cop Meg?"

 

Ted pointed to the Kord Omniversal Prototype Mass EMP Generator, nestled snugly in its crate. "That," he said. "Can you carry me _and_ that?" Before Booster could state the obvious, Ted continued. "Backup Bug. Let's go."

 

* * *

 

"Skeets?" Junior asked, watching the screen curiously. "Who's that?"

 

The static on the screen cleared briefly so the news footage could be more easily seen. "The Teen Titans," Skeets answered absently.

 

"Oh." Junior watched with interest as the picture changed. "Who's _that_?"

 

A faint buzz and the static again cleared for a moment. "Mr. Terrific."

 

"Oh." There was silence interspersed with occasional static sounds and sometimes (rarely and in the briefest of bursts) voices. Then, "Hey Skeets?"

 

The small AI's huff of frustration had an odd metallic ring to it. "Yes?"

 

Junior reached up to rub the top of Skeets's Snoopy head with a finger, an apologetic but confused look on his face. "Sorry."

 

Skeets hovered silently for a moment, then reached out one of his tiny bug legs and patted the boy's hand before curling it around the finger. Reassured, Junior smiled at him and turned back to the screen.

 

"Skeets? Who's that?"

 

* * *

 

Reassembling a high-tech hovering vehicle did not, apparently, take as long as Booster had expected. Likely because it was already mostly assembled.

 

Employing a healthy level of paranoia, Ted had removed several key components that were required for the Bug to...do pretty much anything. Without those key parts, the Bug was designed to do nothing but turn on the windshield wipers, no matter which button was pushed or lever pulled.

 

So while Ted got the Bug travel-worthy, Booster loaded the Kord Omniversal and dusted off the seats. Switching on his comm link to Ted, Booster asked, "How long is it going to take you?"

 

Ted grunted softly and Booster heard the sound of metal against metal. "Not long. Almost done."

 

Switching off the comm, Booster sighed and went back to boredly examining the interior of the Bug. Expecting emergency supplies in one compartment, he was surprised to find a spare Blue Beetle suit. Taking it out, he exited the Bug and found Ted up to his elbows in wires.

 

"Booster?" Ted queried, looking up from what he was doing. His eyes widened as Booster held up his suit. He glanced down at the jeans and dark shirt he was wearing, then murmured, "Didn't even notice...."

 

Booster shrugged. "I wasn't going to say anything," he said. "But...."

 

Taking the cowl from him Ted turned it so that he was staring into the yellow goggles. "Someone might see," he muttered, pulling the cowl on. "No sense taking chances." As he tried to settle the cowl comfortably, Ted frowned. "Booster?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"It doesn't fit over my hair."

 

Booster stared at him for a moment, then started snickering. The snicker developed to a full-blown laugh as Ted pulled the cowl off, revealing significantly dishevelled hair.

 

He stopped laughing when Ted reached into his toolbox, pulled out a pair of scissors, and handed them to Booster. Setting the cowl aside, Ted turned his back to the man and gathered his hair at the base of his neck. "Booster?"

 

"You want me to...?"

 

"If you wouldn't mind."

 

"No, no...sure." Booster muttered, taking the handful of hair from the man and starting to snip at it with the scissors.

 

* * *

 

"Skeets?" Booster's voice came over the comm.

 

"Sir?"

 

"How's it going?"

 

"We're doing fine, sir. And yourself?"

 

There was a pause. "Skeets?"

 

"Sir?"

 

"Are the OMACs in place?"

 

Another pause. "Oh. Almost, sir."

 

"Good job. Keep us updated."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"Skeets?" Ted spoke up suddenly.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Where's...Junior?"

 

"In the kitchen. Should I get him?"

 

"No, I'll just...Junior?"

 

"Huh?" Junior's voice came over the comm.

 

"Um...I... We...." Ted sighed. "Good luck, kiddo."

 

"You too, dad." A pause. "Dads. Um."

 

"Um," Ted agreed, then sighed again. "Later."

 

"Okay."

 

"Leave Zombie Max alone, Junior!" Booster suddenly spoke up.

 

"I'm not—!"

 

"While we're gone," Booster insisted. "Leave him alone while we're gone. No trying to feed him, no making him smell better, and don't even _think_ of painting him."

 

"But—!"

 

"No buts!"

 

"B—"

 

"Ah!"

 

"Fine," Junior grumbled.

 

"Bye, son."

 

"Bye, dad. ...Dads."

 

* * *

 

They had made good time in the backup Bug, despite it not having all the upgrades that the usual Bug had. So now here they were in the Sahara (near Mount Totamai), the Kord Omniversal Prototype Mass EMP Generator sitting on the ground in front of them.

 

It was big, flat, deserted, and there was nothing and no one around that could be disrupted or injured by a massive EMP blast.

 

Except them.

 

A hand landed on his shoulder, startling him from his thoughts. "Hey Ted?"

 

Starting to look over his shoulder, he suddenly found himself spun around and lips pressed hard against his. The hand on his shoulder tightened its grip and an arm wrapped around him to pull him in close against another body. He was pretty sure he could hear the sound of goggles impacting quietly with his, but his eyes were closed so he couldn't be sure.

 

Part of his mind was jamming fingers in its ears and humming loudly, denying that anything was happening. Part was hitting him over the head and shouting that he was a moron if he could still pretend he didn't know what was going on.

 

And part was reaching out to tentatively touch the side of Booster's face, fingers sliding into the man's hair like he had wanted to since he saw the new color, wondering if it felt as different as it looked. ...It did, a little. Not as soft as he remembered, maybe thicker, from the coating of dye, he assumed.

 

If Booster was going to keep doing this, he needed to wash out the dye.

 

The part of his mind still denying the warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach yelled that it wasn't going to happen again and it wasn't happening now and dammit why wasn't he pushing Booster away and demanding either an explanation or that it never be spoken of again?

 

It needn't have worried, because Booster ended the kiss soon after, resting his forehead against Ted's with his head tilted so their goggles wouldn't bang into each other. His ragged breath brushed against Ted's lips. "Don't die again, you bastard," he whispered. "Or I'll kill you."

 

"Wasn't planning on it," Ted replied.

 

Booster squeezed his shoulder then slowly let go of him and turned to face the horizon. A roiling blue mass grew as it steadily, swiftly made its way toward them.

 

The timer on the Kord Omniversal was set, all that remained was to turn it on and get as far away as they could before it went off. The Bug was well outside where Ted estimated the blast range to be because there hadn't been time to shield it properly, but they were reasonably certain that Booster's shield could and would protect them.

 

Reasonably certain.

 

Ted glanced over at the man standing next to him against the ever-growing enemy. "Hey Booster?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

Turning once again to face the incoming army of OMACs, one hand slipping into Booster's, Ted said, "Ditto."

 

He wasn't sure what it was referring to, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Booster's mouth quirk into a smile.

 

* * *

 

"Uh oh."

 

Junior snatched his hand back from Zombie Max's closet door. "I wasn't doing anything!"

 

"Not that," Skeets said. "But that too. You heard Booster. Leave Max alone."

 

" _Aw_...."

 

Skeets's screen cleared to show something that looked a bit like a map of space. A dot on it was moving.

 

"What's that?" Junior asked, moving away from the door to stand in front of the robot body.

 

"The satellite."

 

"Of doomy death?"

 

Skeets sighed. "Yes, the Satellite of Doomy Death."

 

"What's it doing?"

 

"Falling from orbit."

 

There was a pause before Junior slowly asked, "Where's it going to fall?"

 

"No doubt a heavily populated area."

 

"People go squish?" Junior predicted.

 

"...People go squish," Skeets confirmed.

 

Junior scratched his ear and frowned. "Well that's...bad?"

 

"Yes, that's bad."

 

"Okay, so let's stop it."

 

* * *

 

It was J'onn who got the call. An unknown source was contacting the Justice League Watchtower.

 

An unknown source with the voice of a young male.

 

"Hello? Helloooo, is anyone—What do you mean what am I doing? It's on? Well for a live video feed it's surprisingly lacking in _video_."

 

"Who is this?" J'onn asked.

 

"Oh hi! I'm—" The boy stopped abruptly and now J'onn could hear a faint voice in the background that seemed to be interrupting. That explained who the boy had been talking to earlier. "What do you mean 'no names'? Who's going to know _me_ ? Well how about 'Son of Blue Beetle'? It's got a nice ring, don't you think? No? Um...okay. Okay! This is an anonymous tipster— I heard it on the radio, shh! Quit interrupting. Er, there's a satellite of doomy death—shut _up_ I can call it what I want. There's a satellite falling out of orbit and it's gonna squish people. Which is bad. Could someone, like, um, go _catch it_? We're kinda busy right now. Okay, thanks! We're sending the coordinates and trajectory."

 

There was a short burst of static as the audio signal was replaced by a series of information being transmitted to a nearby computer terminal. J'onn had the Watchtower's sensors check the coordinates and sure enough, there was a steadily moving object right where they said it would be.

 

J'onn quickly checked to see who was available who could deal with such a problem, trying to ignore the strangely familiar headache trying to form.

 

* * *

 

The Kord Omniversal Prototype Mass EMP Generator went off. The OMACs fell and once more became a large group of very bewildered people.

 

Of Booster Gold and Blue Beetle, there was no sign.

 

* * *

 

"Skeets?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"The comm's dead."

 

"...Yes."

 

"Do you...think they're okay?"

 

"....I hope so."


	9. Epilogue~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you honestly think I wouldn't give it a happy ending? ...Or did I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 12/01/2005, with the author's note:  
> "Okay, so, when last we left our story, there was no sign of Booster and Beetle and the comm was dead. Oh noes!  
> Cheer up, little emo kid! The end of the story is here! *does a jig*"

Sitting serenely at an out of the way table in a generic but cozy coffee shop, a red-haired woman absently blew over the top of her coffee as her eyes scanned the screen of her laptop. There were two wrought iron chairs with cushioned seats designated to her table, and one had been moved to another table. The other sat invitingly across from her while the woman sat in a wheelchair.

 

Something compelled her to lift her eyes from whatever on her laptop was so fascinating, and she found herself looking up at the smiling countenance of a blue-eyed man with shaggy brown hair. Her face lit up with surprise and pleasure upon seeing him.

 

"Ted!"

 

"Barbara," Ted replied warmly, leaning over to give her a half hug before sitting down across from her.

 

"You're looking...." She paused, looking his hair over critically, before settling for, "Better than expected."

 

Ted's smile turned wry and he reached up to run a hand over his hair. "Rumors of my death are...probably true, actually." He sighed and shook his head, then shrugged. "Long story short, it's all Booster's fault."

 

Hiding a smile behind her cup, Barbara asked, "Including the haircut?"

 

"Any hair-related issues are his fault, yes. Somehow I thought he'd be more successful cutting it than I would."

 

"And you needed your hair cut because...?"

 

Ted looked embarrassed. "The...cowl wouldn't fit over my hair."

 

Barbara raised an eyebrow curiously. "I think you better start from the beginning."

 

Taking a deep breath, Ted did so.

 

\----------

 

"Wait, you have a son?"

 

"Sort of. I mean... _yes_ I have a son, just...not in the usual sense. It's...complicated." He paused. "And Booster's the mother."

 

" _What?!_ "

 

\----------

 

"So... _why_ did Booster turn Maxwell Lord into a zombie?"

 

" _He's_ not even sure what he did wrong. Probably a mistake with the translation. _Again._ But he and Junior both swear Max was dead—probably dead before he became a zombie."

 

"How are they so sure?"

 

"Well, most people can't get their necks at that angle while they're still alive...."

 

\----------

 

"A _mullet_."

 

"Oh god, not this again."

 

"No, it's not—I just don't understand. Why a mullet?"

 

"I don't know, okay? Maybe it's a side-effect of using Cybele's Stone or being dea--"

 

"What?"

 

"What what?"

 

"Who's stone?"

 

"...Cybele? Babs what are you—?"

 

Barbara finished typing and spun her laptop to face him. Wordlessly, she pointed at a paragraph on what looked to be an informative website.

 

Leaning forward, Ted read under his breath, "Originally a Phrygian goddess...blahblah...sometimes given the etymology 'she of the...hair'." He stopped, staring at the screen, then looked up at Barbara, who was trying not to laugh. "You're kidding."

 

Barbara chuckled. "Let's just hope cutting it hasn't tampered with your 'Samson-like powers'."

 

Ted snorted with amusement, then a moment later started laughing.

 

\----------

 

"So that was you two? You and Booster actually brought down the entire Brother Eye network?"

 

"Well you don't have to sound so surprised," Ted grumbled.

 

"It's not that, it's just...." Barbara smiled with helpless amusement. "There are a lot of people who're going to have trouble believing it... _or_ admitting it. Even _with_ that recording of...Junior? Of Junior calling in that 'anonymous tip' about the satellite...squishing people."

 

Ted covered his eyes with one hand and hunched over a little. "Not that I don't admire his initiative, but...'Son of Blue Beetle'? 'Satellite of Doomy Death'?" He sighed. "And I thought leaving Skeets to watch over him was a good idea."

 

"It was...cute."

 

Ted groaned.

 

"Squishing people is bad, you know," Barbara said solemnly.

 

Ted looked up to glare at her.

 

\----------

 

"So a few of the OMACs got there ahead of schedule," Ted said, taking a drink of his coffee before continuing. "Which actually wasn't as bad as it could've been. Brother Eye had classified Booster as a low level threat, and wasn't sure _what_ to make of me, since I was supposed to be dead. So we had a short amount of time before they decided to attack. We didn't injure them much, and the KOPMEG got—"

 

"The what?"

 

"Kord Omniversal Prototype Mass EMP Generator."

 

"Right."

 

"It got moved some, but luckily wasn't damaged. So we went ahead as planned, only I shortened the countdown so they wouldn't have as much time to chase us. Booster flew us toward the Bug, but when the blast hit one of the OMACs was close enough that it...ran into us when it was disabled. We got knocked out for a while. Hours and hours, according to Junior."

 

"Aww."

 

Ted frowned. "From what Skeets said, it couldn't have been longer than a half hour. We made it to the Bug just fine when we came to, but all communication had been knocked out, so he and Junior had no idea what was going on."

 

"At least he was worried about you. I don't see why you're so concerned about his grasp of life and death."

 

"He wasn't worried that we were _dead_ , he was worried because he couldn't find the latin-to-english dictionary Booster used to translate the spells. He was _worried_ because he wasn't sure how to bring us _back_ if we were dead."

 

"I see."

 

Ted sighed and Barbara thoughtfully sipped her significantly cooled coffee.

 

"You know we're being watched, right?" she asked.

 

Ted nodded, clearly not worried. "Booster's been...very _protective_ ," he said slowly. "He didn't want to let me out of his sight, to be honest. Not even for this meeting. So we compromised. He's pretending he's being sneaky about stalking me, and I'm pretending not to notice."

 

Staring at her laptop with interest, Barbara suddenly smiled. "Not very subtle, are they?"

 

Covering his eyes again, Ted groaned. "Junior brought the binoculars, didn't he?"

 

"And...are those your goggles?"

 

"A spare set," Ted sighed. "We're living in the basement right now and...I can't even _guess_ at everything that's stored down there. He keeps _finding_ things."

 

"Is that a...giant floating bug?"

 

"Skeets."

 

"I know you said he looked different, but...." Barbara shook her head, then smiled. "So that's Junior."

 

"My boy." Ted said wryly. "What are he and my personal stalker up to?"

 

\----------

 

"I wish I could read lips," Junior sighed, staring out the restaurant window through both yellow goggles and a bulky pair of binoculars. "They're just _talking_. And there aren't any ninjas or goo monsters or _anything_." He set the binoculars down to nibble at the raisin bagel on the table in front of him. "Not even sneaky-looking regular people."

 

Booster frowned. "I wish we'd put a bug on him."

 

Junior looked confused and glanced at Skeets, who was floating next to him in the booth. "Um...maybe Skeets could sneak in? He's pretty buggy."

 

"Not a _bug_ bug, a bug for listening in."

 

"... _Oh._ " Junior stared at him for a moment, then tore a piece off his bagel and chewed it thoughtfully.

 

\----------

 

Barbara turned her laptop to once again face her as the security camera she had hacked showed Booster picking up the binoculars. Ted leaned back in his seat and sighed.

 

"Actually," he said. "That brings me to why I contacted you."

 

"Not just to catch up?" Barbara teased.

 

Ted grinned. "Well, that too." He placed a folder on the table in front of him, leaving his hand on it as he said, "I...need you to make someone exist on paper."

 

"Junior?"

 

"Michael Theodore Carter-Kord, actually." Ted's smile tilted lopsided as he pushed the folder toward her. "We...discussed it. It seemed silly to call him Junior if he wasn't named after one of us, and Booster hardly ever uses his first name anyway, so there was less chance of confusion." He paused for a moment before adding, "Junior insisted on the hyphen."

 

Barbara chuckled as she opened the folder and started looking through its contents. There were a few photos, along with several sheets of paper detailing the kind of personal information needed to create a new identity. "You've got Michelle Carter listed as the mother?"

 

"Booster's sister," Ted confirmed. " _Twin_ sister. Hopefully that will explain away any questions a DNA test could bring up."

 

Barbara nodded thoughtfully, eyes scanning the information before her. "Give me a week?"

 

Ted grinned at her. "You're the best, Babs."

 

Tossing her head slightly, Barbara said airily, "I know."

 

\----------

 

"Talking, talking, looking at the folder, talking...huh, she's touching his hand, now," Junior diligently reported, again staring out the window through the bulky binoculars.

 

"What?" Booster demanded, grabbing the binoculars.

 

"Dad!" Junior yelped in protest as he was dragged halfway over the table by the binoculars' strap behind his neck.

 

Booster quickly handed the binoculars back, looking sheepish. "Sorry, Junior."

 

In reply, the boy grimaced, rubbed the back of his neck, and took a bite of his bagel.

 

\----------

 

"So...how _are_ you, Ted?" Barbara asked, hand resting on his on the table. "Really?"

 

"Really?" Ted sighed, then said matter-of-factly, "I've been more or less in a constant state of denial since I...got back. I'm not back from the dead, I have no son, Booster never kissed me, and there is _no zombie_ in the closet."

 

"Booster kissed you?" Barbara looked like she was trying not to smile.

 

" _That's_ what you focus on?" Ted asked incredulously. "Not the dead rising from the grave or anything else, but _that_?"

 

"Well there _is_ a pretty big betting pool on you two," Barbara admitted, smile a tad sheepish.

 

Ted groaned. "Oh god, not that again."

 

"Again?"

 

"Skeets won big, apparently," Ted sighed.

 

Barbara hid a grin behind her cup.

 

"But you know what the worst part is?" Ted asked slowly.

 

"You didn't hate it."

 

"I didn't ha—Hey! How'd you—?"

 

" _Ted,_ " Barbara chided gently. "Skeets isn't the only one who won big."

 

Ted groaned again, then covered his ears with his hands and said, "Lalala, can't hear you!"

 

"You can't really deny it, at this point," Barbara laughed.

 

"Hey," Ted said with mock sternness, pointing to himself. "I think I've been doing pretty good with the denial!"

 

Barbara tapped one of the pictures in the open folder between them, smiling smugly. "And your... _love child_?"

 

Staring at the photo for a moment, Ted covered his face with both hands and groaned.

 

"If it's any consolation," Barbara said, "you two make a cute couple."

 

Ted's hands moved to cover his ears again. "Lalala, not listening!"

 

\----------

 

"He's doing that thing again."

 

"What thing?" Booster asked, frowning into his empty paper cup.

 

"The thing where he puts his hands over his ears and goes 'Lalala, not listening!'" Junior replied, unaware of the stares he was getting.

 

"Oh that thing," Booster said nonchalantly, setting the cup aside and adding under his breath, "Probably stomping on his denial."

 

"Hm, now he's doing that other thing," Junior reported. "The pinching his nose thing."

 

"Should we worry, sir?" Skeets piped up. "He does that a lot."

 

Booster shook his head. "No, that's normal. I'd worry if he didn't." He grinned. "Besides, it's funny to watch him freak out."

 

"Now she's talking and patting his shoulder."

 

"It's good he has a friend to comfort him," Skeets remarked.

 

Booster frowned.

 

\----------

 

"Why can't you leave me to my denial?" Ted muttered sulkily, lifting his head from his crossed arms to glower at Barbara.

 

"Because watching you freak out is fun?"

 

Ted narrowed his eyes at her.

 

Barbara laughed. "Seriously, Ted. There are worse people than Booster Gold to fall for." She paused thoughtfully. "At least he's not a supervillain."

 

She was surprised when Ted groaned loudly and once more buried his face in his arms.

 

\----------

 

Packets of grape jelly rained down on the table as Junior returned from the condiment counter.

 

"What do you need all that for?" Booster asked, looking up from the binoculars, eyebrows furrowing. "You're almost done with your bagel." As he returned his attention to the view from the binoculars, he frowned suddenly. "Where'd he go?"

 

"Um," Junior said, staring at him.

 

Actually, Booster realized as he looked at the boy, Junior wasn't staring at _him_ , he was staring just a bit _above_ hi—

 

"Time to go, boys," a voice spoke beside his ear as a hand descended on his shoulder.

 

Booster jumped and let out a startled cry, whirling to face— "Ted?!"

 

"Booster," Ted replied. Then there was a brief, tense moment as they both realized how close their faces were. Ted looked away first and moved to sit next to Booster in the booth, clearing his throat as a blush rose in his cheeks.

 

"Um...Ted! How— What a _surprise_ ," Booster said slowly and unconvincingly. "I had no idea you were...in the neighborhood."

 

"I thought we were stalking him," Junior spoke up, looking confused.

 

There was a pause, then Booster dropped his face into one hand. Ted made a sympathetic sound and patted his shoulder.

 

"Stalking means to pursue and observe by tracking stealthily, implying the prey has no knowledge of being followed," Skeets informed the boy.

 

" _Oh._ "

 

"I'm not entirely comfortable being called 'prey'," Ted muttered, frowning.

 

"Target?" Skeets suggested.

 

Ted made an unconvinced, noncommittal sound and stood. "Let's just...go," he sighed. "Home sweet basement."

 

They all exited the booth, Junior stuffing jelly packets in his pockets, and made their way out of the restaurant. Junior and Skeets hurried ahead of them, striking up a conversation about some paint Junior had found and how he was to keep it far, far away from Skeets.

 

"It's probably not healthy raising a kid in a basement," Ted commented, hanging back to match stride with Booster. "And after Babs gets him entered in the system, that's the kind of thing that could have Child Protective Services after us."

 

"We'll look into getting a new place," Booster said with a shrug, throwing an arm around Ted's shoulders. "For now, it's home."

 

Ted sighed, and if he leaned in to Booster just a little then the man had the decency not to mention it. "Yeah," he admitted, thinking of Booster's beaming face when he first came back, Junior's innocent but sometimes disturbing questions, Skeets's predictions of doom and gloom, and yes, even Zombie Max's stinking, rotting corpse....

 

"It's home."


End file.
